The Importance of Being Earnest

by Oscar Wilde

Second Act

First Part

Scene. Garden at the Manor House. A flight of grey stone steps leads up to
the house. The garden, an old-fashioned one, full of roses. Time of year,
July. Basket chairs, and a table covered with books, are set under a large
yew tree.
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(Miss Prism discovered seated at the table. Cecily is at the back watering
flowers.)

Miss Prism. (Calling.) Cecily, Cecily! Surely such a utilitarian occupation
as the watering of flowers is rather Moulton's duty than yours? Especially
at a moment when intellectual pleasures await you. Your German grammar is
on the table. Pray open it at page fifteen. We will repeat yesterday's
lesson.

Cecily. (Coming over very slowly.) But I don't like German. It isn't at all
a becoming language. I know perfectly well that I look quite plain after my
German lesson.

Miss Prism. Child, you know how anxious your guardian is that you should
improve yourself in every way. He laid particular stress on your German, as
he was leaving for town yesterday. Indeed, he always lays stress on your
German when he is leaving for town.

Cecily. Dear Uncle Jack is so very serious! Sometimes he is so serious that
I think he cannot be quite well.

Miss Prism. (Drawing herself up.) Your guardian enjoys the best of health,
and his gravity of demeanour is especially to be commended in one so
comparatively young as he is. I know no one who has a higher sense of duty
and responsibility.

Cecily. I suppose that is why he often looks a little bored when we three
are together.

Miss Prism. Cecily! I am surprised at you. Mr. Worthing has many troubles
in his life. Idle merriment and triviality would be out of place in his
conversation. You must remember his constant anxiety about that unfortunate
young man his brother.

Cecily. I wish Uncle Jack would allow that unfortuante young man, his
brother, to come down here sometimes. We might have a good influence over
him, Miss Prism. I am sure you certainly would. You know German, and
Geology, and things of that kind influence a man very much. (Cecily begins
to write in her diary.)

Miss Prism. (Shaking her head.) I do not think that even I could produce
any effect on a character that according to his own brother's admission is
irretrievably weak and vacillating. Indeed I am not sure that I would
desire to reclaim him. I am not in favour of this modern mania for turning
bad people into good people at a moment's notice. As a man sows so let him
reap. You must put away your diary, Cecily. I really don't see why you
should keep a diary at all.

Cecily. I keep a diary in order to enter the wonderful secrets of my life.
If I didn't write them down I should probably forget all about them.

Miss Prism. Memory, my dear Cecily, is the diary that we all carry about
with us.

Cecily. Yes, but it usually chronicles the things that have never happened,
and couldn't possibly have happened. I believe that memory is responsible
for nearly all the three-volume novels that Mudie sends us.

Miss Prism. Do not speak slightingly of the three-volume novel, Cecily. I
wrote one myself in earlier days.

Cecily. Did you really, Miss Prism? How wonderfully clever you are! I hope
it did not end happily? I don't like novels that end happily. They depress
me so much.

Miss Prism. The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what
fiction means.

Cecily. I suppose so. But it seems so very unfair. And was your novel ever
published?

Miss Prism. Alas! no. The manuscript unfortunately was abandoned. I use the
word in the sense of lost or mislaid. To your work, child, these
speculations are profitless.

Cecily. (Smiling.) But I see dear Dr. Chasuble coming up through the
garden.

Miss Prism. (Rising and advancing.) Dr. Chasuble! This is indeed a
pleasure.

(Enter Canon Chasuble.)

Chasuble. And how are we this morning? Miss Prism, you are, I trust, well?

Cecily. Miss Prism has just been complaining of a slight headache. I think
it would do her so much good to have a short stroll with you in the Park,
Dr. Chasuble.

Miss Prism. Cecily, I have not mentioned anything about a headache.

Cecily. No, dear Miss Prism, I know that, but I felt instinctively that you
had a headache. Indeed I was thinking about that, and not about my German
lesson, when the Rector came in.

Chasuble. I hope, Cecily, you are not inattentive.

Cecily. Oh, I am afraid I am.

Chasuble. That is strange. Were I fortunate enough to be Miss Prism's
pupil, I would hang upon her lips. (Miss Prism glares.) I spoke
metaphorically.--My metaphor was drawn from bees. Ahem! Mr. Worthing, I
suppose, has not returned from town yet?

Miss Prism. We do not expect him till Monday afternoon.

Chasuble. Ah yes, he usually likes to spend his Sunday in London. He is not
one of those whose sole aim is enjoyment, as, by all accounts, that
unfortunate young man his brother seems to be. But I must not disturb
Egeria and her pupil any longer.

Miss Prism. Egeria? My name is Ltitia, Doctor.

Chasuble. (Bowing.) A classical allusion merely, drawn from the pagan
authors. I shall see you both no doubt at Evensong?

Miss Prism. I think, dear Doctor, I will have a stroll with you. I find I
have a headache after all, and a walk might do it good.

Chasuble. With pleasure, Miss Prism, with pleasure. We might go as far as
the schools and back.

Miss Prism. That would be delightful. Cecily, you will read your Political
Economy in my absence. The chapter on the Fall of the Rupee you may omit.
It is somewhat too sensational. Even these metallic problems have their
melodramatic side.

(Goes down the garden with Dr. Chasuble.)

Cecily. (Picks up books and throws them back on table.) Horrid Political
Economy! Horrid Geography! Horrid, horrid German!

(Enter Merriman with a card on a salver.)

Merriman. Mr. Ernest Worthing has just driven over from the station. He has
brought his luggage with him.

   * Next: Act II, Part II

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The Scenes of the Play

   * Act I: Algernon Moncrieff's Flat in Half-Moon Street, W.
   * Act II: The Garden at the Manor House, Woolton.
        o Part 2
        o Part 3
        o Part 4
        o Part 5
        o Part 6
        o Part 7
   * Act III: Drawing-Room at the Manor House, Woolton

Transcription and organization by Jerry Stratton, for FireBlade
Publications. If you have any comments or questions, please let us know!
Jerry
jerry@acusd.edu
